So…what can I say? On Sunday, the going got tough. It started when the Deities of Quad decided to smite our team with how many? 5 pulled quads? Pretty much in the same at-bat. That was tough. Then the Deities of Rain continued to drizzle on us while the Deities of Train were mighty loud above us over the Manhattan bridge. What I’m saying here, people, is that we were mere mortals battling the Gods.
BUT…We battled!!!
Bulleit crushed popflys in the infield
Biggie Balls whipped those balls into a souffle in the outfield
4Square had the best “snatch catch” of the season
Turkey Leg tore it up like meat off a bone at 3rd base
Home Bass leapt into the air in Right Field, letting nothing pass
Rusty Peaches intimidated players at Catcher
Commando ruled the roost at Pitcher
Scary Anne continued to scare our opponents with her ferocious boots
Mr. Gowan didn’t need a whistle in Left field to teach the other team the meaning of Kickball
Lil Swinger crafted perrrrrfect bunts and ran like hell to 1st base
Red Thunder use her signature “I got it under my chin” move on the mound
Tall Boy kicked it into “light speed” as he rounded the bases
And Speedball and Gumball showed their spirit and hustle to make it in time for the team photo
I salute you, Dusters. You kick ass, even when we play against the Gods themselves.
The Hudson Dusters vs. The Team With No Soul (aka We’ve Got The Runs)
Final Score: 7-4 NOT WIN (and we certainly didn’t lose our dignity)
The asphalt was rinsed with tears of hope, the morning of our fated PLAYOFF KICKBALL CHAMPIONSHIPS. The rain abated just before we tightened our sneaker laces and stepped proudly onto the elementary school black-top on Delancy Street.
We were ready.
Our muscles gleamed in the afternoon light. Our wrists were bound with decorative sweat bands that Liver Die sewed all week long in preparation of our battle. Mr. Gowan and Turkey Leg threw around a baseball just to throw the other team off our scent. Road Runner brought her secret weapon, her dad (for she realized that we hadn’t lost a game yet when a parent was looking on).
We were good and warm when the Texas Exes finally produced enough players to start. Maybe too warm. We had the jitters in the field for the first inning, letting a few runs tack up on the board for the Exes. But we managed to collect our 3 outs with some great work from our in-field: Liver Die, Home Bass, Turkey Leg and Scary Anne. At the plate, our feet were itching for bases, and that’s what we got! 4Square lead us off to scoring some runs of our own. Home Bass enjoyed the cool wind in his auburn curls as he dashed around the bases for a home run. Smart base running and return-to-sender kicks allowed us to top-off our scoreboard drink. It took us some time to adjust to the ump’s new rules and “interesting” calls (and seriously, I referred him to my ophthalmology clinic, “Time for some new glasses, Ump!”).
As the game charged on, our fielding got tighter and the outs, faster. Scary Anne and Speed Ball were collecting outs in the Right infield like kids collecting seashells at the beach. Our outfield, Mr Gowan, Road Runner, Biggie Balls and 4Square, knew where their balls belonged: infront and in their hands. They kept the Exes from hookin’ any horns! Even their cowboy boots couldn’t intimidate The Dusters, and we converted their pointed-footwear-plays into take-downs.
Our momentum was growing, as Red Thunder and Commando communicated in a secret pitcher-catcher language as outs piled up. The Exes didn’t know what to expect as the pitcher-catcher duo switched back and forth. We were racking up runs, stacking up outs, and Liver Die pulled out his second home run of the season!
In the last inning, Scary Anne and Red Thunder created a human sculpture as they caught a popfly together near 1st base. It was beautiful. It was teamwork.
After 7 swift, sweaty innings, we proudly high-fived the other team WITH VICTORY ON OUR LIPS!!! 9-6, baby!!
Between games, we hydrated. Liver Die gave a tutorial on bunting. And then we watched, WITH HORROR, as We’ve Got The Runs picked up their dullest spoons and tried to carve out the hearts of The Ballers. It was brutal. Emotions were high, there were fights. The Glove-Wearing-Ogre actually put his face into a ball to avoid an out and then got pissed that he was hit in the face. Crazy Emory-shirt-dude jumped over a chica in the outfield to catch a ball. And Left field girl was worse than ever.
Essentially they were still dicks.
The Ballers were furious when they vacated the field after losing 0-4. Members of the green-shirted-team came by and told Red Thunder, “Kick their ass. Kick their ass for us.”
We huddled together. We vowed to not let the rancid, putrid energy of the Team With No Soul get to us. We would take the high road. We would not stoop to their level.
So with smiles on our faces and laughter in our hearts, we took to the plate. The Team With No Soul made no errors. If it was in the air, they caught it. If it was on the ground, they threw it to the base. But despite their error-proof playing, we managed to get on base and shake their confidence with our humor and joy.
At the plate, their kicks reflected their wee-brain attitudes: they bunted. Bunted. Bunted. Bunted. They were so afraid of Biggie, 4Square, Road Runner, and Mr. G that they would not kick the ball. Liver Die, Commando and Red Thunder rushed up on their shit (Red Thunder caught a tiny pop-up as catcher…booyah). SpeedBall in Short RIght field juggled pop-ups like hot potatoes. When they finally used up their lame-ass bunts, they kicked to right field and 4Square was there with the catch of the game! She actually caught the ball between her jaw and her shoulder! Mighty strong jaw, 4Square!! Turkey Leg and Liver Die made an AMAZING double-play. And Home Bass was an out-factory sending balls to Turkey Leg at 2nd. With a grunt for justice, Red Thunder lobbed a hail-mary at The-Glove-Wearing-Ogre who seemed to lay into it, letting it bounce gracefully off his back. She resisted the urge to yell, “Eat it! Eat it!” and instead slapped him five.
We played hard. We played with humor. We played with joy.
We will always be #1 in our Hearts, Dusters. Even if we are #2 in the Division.
It’s been an honor and a priveledge to serve on this team with you. Until next year…..adieu!
The Hudson Dusters vs. We’ve Got The Runs (Final Score 10-12)
Our Final Regular Season Record: 5-2 (but technically, and in our hearts, we are 6-1)
For the record, we had ALREADY won when we started this fiercely fantastic game due to their lack of spirit at our last faceoff and inability to produce any women for the game. But we were good sports and agreed to grace them with our kickball brillance for a second time.
The weather was a cruel devil the morning of our slated DOUBLE HEADER, with lightening strikes and thunderclaps and sheets of rain. A few brave Dusters ventured out into the storm to the CARBS + BOOZE = WINNERS pump-up session at Red Thunder and Mr. Gowan’s house. Home Bass (renamed for the day as Nathan “Bases” Loaded), Commando, Bulleit, and Tabasco pounded bagels and bloody marys, securing a liquored glaze for the game. It seemed the more we boozed, the more afraid the weather became of us and finally, the SUN CAME OUT and we hustled up to Peter’s Field.
The ref was late, which gave us a few extra minutes to stretch out our burly quads and bulging biceps. We were up first, scoring 4 runs right off the bat and scaring the living feces out of the other team. Great coaching, solid kicks, and great base running kept the runs flowing (but our shorts dry). Our eyebrows were raised when Liver Die placed a long boot into a puddle in Left Field and the chica, wearing a bandana still bloody from her daddy’s time in Nam, actually dove into the puddle for it. We knew we were in for a serious game.
Our outfield- Mr. Gowan, Tall Boy, and Biggie Balls- were like the Great Wall of China, not letting anything past. Home Bass made some grizzly pop-fly catches as shortstop and Road Runner felt the satisfying thhhhhh-unk of a crucial pop up in the infield. At the plate, we had great kicks by Biggie Balls, Mr. Gowan, Tall Boy and Scary Anne, and our first HOME RUN of the season by Liver Die…bringing in 2 runs with his mega-shooter.
We were up 7-5 in the third inning and the other team was nervous. Red Thunder and Home Bass made a Duster Sandwich (Thunder-OUT-Bass) working shortstop and 2nd base. Liver Die caught a line drive to 3rd and made a perfect throw to Scary Anne at 1st for a killer double-play. Commando was unrattled by their team Ogre, who stamp-dragged his foot like a bull when he was at the plate (he was also wearing black gloves that said NFL on them….PUH-LEASE).
Unsavory moment: When their 1st basemen said to Red Thunder (who was coaching 1st base): I WILL FUCKING RUN YOU OVER IF YOU STAND THERE. I WILL FUCKING RUN YOU OVER.
Savory moment: When Liver Die pegged his crazy ass when he slipped off 3rd base.
SHOUT OUT to Tabasco who served as team papparzzi, morale booster, and team nurse! Thanks for the great pictures, water and Advil!!
When their pitcher wasn’t doing ‘roids in the dugout, he was busy throwing (not rolling) balls across the plate.
It was a great game, we played hard, and we gave it our all. When we rumble against them in the playoffs next week, we will GIVE THEM THE RUNS….and crush them…and make them cry….and then do a cheer for them: “2,4,6,8…who did we just eliminate? THE RUNS!”
4Square and Turkey Leg, we can’t wait for you to be back on the field for the playoffs!!
A wise kickballer once said, “showing up is half the game.” Today, it made the difference between victory and defeat. Today, we WON!
BUT…it just wasn’t in the cards for us to play today. The thunderclouds and lightening and torrential downpour decided to make a symphony during our exact time slot. Before and after the game, GORGEOUS. During game, HURRICANE.
We showed up.
We warmed up.
We ran through the rain together.
We conquered.
I salute you, Dusters.
See you next Sunday: BAGEL BRUNCH AT MR. GOWAN’S and RED THUNDER’S 11am-1pm. Game at 2pm.
WIN: 10 to 5When the Hudson Dusters get together on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Central Park, they are unstoppable!! We set ‘em up, and we KNOCKED ‘EM DOWN!We started off a killer first inning with Turkey Leg’s mega boot giving the other team some exercise in the outfield. The runs were flowing like lava in the warm summer afternoon as we rounded the bases and glided over home plate! In the field, Road Runner protected 2nd base like a British soldier guarding the palace and Speed Ball (Freddy, the speedy sub) at 1st base was like a yoga-guru with his lunge that stretched for miles. Turkey Leg at Short Stop had wings on his feet and flew from one side of the field to the other, he was everywhere, and 3rd Baser Liver Die used his magic hands to whisk every bunt, kick, and fly into an “out” omelette. Big kickers: Mr. Gowan (back from a National Kickball Conference last week) brought in many runs with his well placed kicks and fast legs itching for doubles and Biggie gave his balls impressive rides to the fence and his legs a turn around the bases. Rusty Peaches showed off her skills as pitcher, serving her balls like summer sangria with a twist and Red Thunder played through the pain of a hurt flank and even caught a ball in the face (and then yelled, “Eat it! Eat it!”…which was less than casual). Gum Ball (Judy, the chew-‘em-up- spit-‘em-out sub) and Little Swinger (Jasmin, the ain’t-nothing-getting-by-me sub) were so terrifying as catchers, the other team did not want to run home. 4Square had the play of the game with a jaw-dropping, spinning catch in Right field that looked like she was catching a wedding bouquet. It got cheers from onlookers and Liver Die’s dad was going bananas! Tall Boy was a wild animal in Center field, weaving in and out among the tree trunks, devouring every kick that came his way. And a special shout out to Sergeant Slider who sauntered up to the dug out and brought us good luck with his winning grin! Thanks for the support, Sgt!!Little Swinger’s manager (and boyfriend) kept his ear to the ground in our opponents dug-out and heard the Ump say to the other team before we started the game, “The team you are about to play is SERIOUS. They have nicknames and they have their own ball.” We are serious, Ump. We are serious about having fun and KICKING SOME SERIOUS ASS.We were sad to see Rusty Peaches hit the showers for the last time this season, as she will be performing in a show outside the city for the next month. Thanks, Rusty, for your humor and joy.We welcome back Home Bass, Commando, Scary Anne, Bulleit, and Tabasco from their travels!!! We missed you, guys!!
It was a gorgeous day in Central Park when the HUDSON DUSTERS took down the Black Shirted- Yellow Sweat Banded- Too Lame to Make Up a Team Name- Team dowwwwwwwn. We huddled together on the sidelines as Red Thunder gave a strong peptalk. We started off strong with fantastic line drives by 4Square, Biggie Balls and Tabasco, and a clean up boot from Liver Die that started putting numbers on the board.
We were like a well oiled machine out in the field with great catches by Tall Boy, Biggie, and 4Square. Bullet had his moment-of-truth when he unnecessarily pegged a girl running to second base. Scary Anne terrified the other team by catching every ball that came her way- pop-ups and expert throws from Liver Die and Commando.
Tabasco kept it spicey at the plate and was on her toes at second. There was amazing communcation on this picturesque Sunday; Tall Boy’s unmistakable “I got it” kept balls in hand. Commando rolled her pitches like candied apples. Rusty kept her peaches ripe by running through first base and evading the other pitcher’s error-prone throws, sending our runners home. Liver Die was a dust buster for bunts from the other team, scooping them up and sending them to Scary Anne. And Red Thunder kept the talk flowing as first base coach. Tall Boy and Scary Anne put the WHA in WHA-BLAM when they were at the plate and Liver Die as 3rd base coach gave our runners the Green Light to go home.
There was only one blow to the head to our opponents (to be fair she totally ran into the ball).
Some great outfield catches by Biggie Balls. Liver Die working 3rd base. One of the subs, Freddy really gave a stellar performance on 1st and 3rd base coach for the runners. Commando had to call Nicki in last minute because Road Runner couldn’t make it, and she really showed up as shortstop.
Tabasco had some great runs around the bases and held steady as catcher. We played under the elevated train, so things got a little noisy.
We had 4 subs, 9 players in all and kicked some serious balls.
